This is the time of year when I always think a lot about my life. The start of the New Year and my birthday (January 7th) make me want to start working on new goals. I am not sure why, but I always work better with start dates and dead lines - if I say I'm going to start doing something on a certain date, I always do and if I have a deadline, I always make it (I am NEVER late for a meeting or conference call).
I've been thinking a lot about fulfillment - what it means to me, whether or not I am fulfilled and where in my life I am and where I am not. I really can't complain about my life, my life, at least I think, is pretty good - I know I am happy, I am proud, and I am in a good place, but I can't help questioning whether or not my life is balanced, if I'm a good person, if I'm successful in life, work, and love. Where should a 35 year old be in his life; am I in the right place, should I be further. I feel I should be a "grown up" or at least be growing up. 40 is in sight now and I know I want to be in a good place by 40 - what do I need to do over the next 5 years to get there.
While I am content with my life and excited for the upcoming year, I can't help but feel old at times and scared about growing up. Life seemed simpler 10 years ago. I felt smarter, more confident about my world - while the intelligence may have been ignorance and the confidence misplaced, it was easier to live in my world of black and white - now I live in a world of gray, shades and shades of grey and my former 'tolerance' of others has turned into acceptance.
So, this blog, while probably not written to the standard I wish it would be, will be my personal journal of what I'm thinking, feeling and experience as I go through my 36th year - I turned 35 which means I've been through 35 years of growing and learning - but now it seems very important to 'grow up' - what that is I'm not entirely sure, I just know that as the gray hair begins to appear on my temples and I see guys younger and younger assume the role I once had, it is time to become a man.
